Question for Parents and Professionals about Attachment
A question from a parent:
As a fairly new adoptive parent (and parent of several birth children), I have been reading some information about parenting children with Reactive Attachment Disorder. The "love-based approaches" seem to make sense to me, but not consequencing a kiddo for naughty, anger provoking behavior is proving a tough change for me... I feel like I am reinforcing bad behavior.
How does an adoptive parent find a balance between focusing on attachment/loving the child and holding them accountable for their actions?
Has anyone had experience with the therapists at http://www.beyondconsequences.com/ or read their book?
posted by Claudia at 8:45 AM
4 Comments:
Faye of Connection Resources states:
Parenting an adopted child that has experienced early trauma requires a new parenting model. These children have multiple domains of impairment-therefore, interventions must be healing and relationship focused. The goal is to stop the maladaptive behaviors and learn new-healthier- behaviors not punish the child. Parent education/training is the first step.
Kris, an adoptive mom in Ohio, says:
My Reactive Attachment kiddo is ALWAYS held accountable for his actions. We use the "time in" more then anything. He has to stay with me instead of away from me and the whole time I'm explaining why the behavior was wrong. Sense he really does not like being around me he does act out less and less. My belief is, I would rather hold him accountable at 8 then have the police and a judge do it later.
Interesting tidbit from Martha, an adoption worker in TX:
She points out that she just has an outsiders view as she is not parenting, but I thought this was an interesting thought:
"If you FEEL you are reinforcing negative behavior, check to see if negative behavior increases by keeping a record. Then you can know for sure."
Alissa, Adoption Recruiter in Florida, comments:
As Heather Forbes, one of the authors of "Beyond Consequences", lives in Orlando area, I have actually heard her speak. It was not RAD-specific, but very good all the same. I have heard rave reviews about her book and methods from coworkers and local families that she has helped. She is also the parent of two girls adopted internationally who were/are RAD.
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